Okay, so I gotta be honest with y’all. I cheated *sobbing emoji*. BUT, there’s a silver-lining-ish thing happening here:
1 - I get to work on one of my big New Year’s resolutions—to be kinder to myself. See ya, shame!
2 - There’s some growth happening! I didn’t deal with my slip-up the way I would have before my half-month of no booze. Let me explain...
Before my experiment, if I had decided I was taking time off from drinking and I slipped (hello, New York City, socializing, stress and more stress), I would have been pissed at myself and probably drank the next day to quiet my self-directed disappointment. This time, I saw my slip up for what it was—me being human AF! I went out with a friend I hadn’t seen in months and we had fun. That’s it.
The next morning, instead of totally beating myself up, I felt relieved that I could call back on the booze-free days I had under my belt, remembering that they felt really really (like, really) good. I also recognized that I don’t have to start drinking again just because I did the night before. It’s like when you’re trying to eat better, but then you *accidently* Seamless Taco Bell to your apartment at 11am (just me?). You don’t have to start eating Taco Bell on the reg, you know? Omg, woah. I think I just had a breakthrough on balance or something!
Anyway, deciding it was boring to beat myself up (jk, this is the result of cannabis and a year of weekly therapy) I reached for a Nova Blis Chill Pop to suck on while I did the dishes. Half a sucker, and a clean kitchen later I felt calm, centered and more empathetic towards myself. Win.
Over the next week, I got back into my purely-cannabis routine, and started to see the benefits immediately. Wake Capsules from Kaleidoscope have me feeling clear and focused in the morning, even sans-coffee. Yay to no caffeine jitters. Plus, I’m cooking every night, meditating every day and even doing the core compressions I told myself I would start a year ago (where my fellow diastasis recti ladies at?!). Long story short—i’m doing beneficial things for myself. Where alcohol encourages some stuff I’m trying to do less of: eat nasty shit, stay up too late, pick fights with my partner, cannabis naturally points me in a more positive direction. I’m teaching myself the ukulele (currently SLAYING “I Will” by the Beatles), journaling, taking my skincare routine to the next level and being a more patient and less anxiety-ridden Mama.
In the evenings, my cannabis vape is my favorite way to unwind. It helps my body relax, and my brain unwind. The notes section on my phone is filled with lots of creative ideas because of it. And when it’s finally time to go to sleep—after feeding and bathing my dude. Plus books and songs, and multiple Batman vs Batman faceoffs, a full dropper of Juna Nightcap Sleep Drops makes it so I couldn’t stay awake if I tried.
So, despite my slip-up (and maybe in some weird way even because of it!) I'm excited to see what the rest of the month holds. Check back next week and I’ll let you know the habits I’m ditching, and what I’m bringing with me into the rest of 2020.